No, you are not petty, jealous, angry.
Being a therapist, I am not supposed to be showing emotions, it is unprofessional. I am supposed to speak low, like a 3d rate phone sex worker. I got this part pinned down, by the way.
I am supposed to have all the answers for all the problems, never be wrong, and always care about the person in front of me.
So basically, I am supposed to be ... a mother? Oh, the horror. As if being the mother of a teen has not been hard enough. No, thanks.
Here is my take on this. To be a therapist, you just need one thing, and one thing only. To care. To care enough, to listen to the other cry. To care enough to search to find the reason behind the physical pain when doing bodywork.To care enough to try to find why such thing did not work and what you could do differently. To let the other person pivot on themselves and finish their own journey on their own path. To know where boundaries are and teach others in psychotherapeutic sessions, to put their own and enforce them. Boundaries are good. It allows closeness, respect, and evolution. Without contact there are no boundaries, without boundaries there is no respect, without respect, there is no self-awareness.
To be a therapist, in my opinion, requires the knowledge of all that, and to care. To reach and touch. It requires emotion, passion, generosity, and giving yourself.
I am someone who has emotions, I will speak my mind, admit my ignorance and always search for ways to better myself. And that comes from admitting your faults, accepting them if you can't change them, stopping feeling guilty about them, or change them, if they do more harm than good.
I know I am authoritarian and opinionated, and I care. It serves me well as an educator of teens.
I know I can be wrong, and I admit my mistakes, and I care. It serves me well in my personal growth.
I know I can be blunt. It serves me well in saving time
I know I don't fit the box. And that is ok. I don't have to.
And neither do you.
Not as a superiority or badge thing. I don't think I am special. And neither is any of us if you think about it globally and in the history of mankind, except for those who touched the lives of many people.
We should aspire to make life better for as many people out there, each in our own way. And we can only start helping others once we have accepted who we are.
If you feel petty, admit it. If you feel stingy, admit it. It won't kill you.
Trying to lie to ourselves and fight those who can see through us is eating our energy away. They come into our lives to let us know we don't fool anyone.
"I am Celine, and I get jealous and envious. I don't like it, but it is what it is."
"I am Tom and I have fat, and I feel angry at girls who do not see me and prefer pretty boys."
"I am Lara and I feel petty when I don't get my way."
The first step is to recognize those negative traits and see them for what they are. Feelings. Notice I did not write |I am| but I have, I get. These are feelings, not you. What makes you, are the choice you make after. Do you act on those feelings?
If you don't, you have won half the battle.
If you do... then it is time to go to work. Not to justify your actions, but to modify your choices.
Your achievements will give you confidence. Your acts of kindness will give you inner strength. These will allow you to focus on your own path, and your voyage of self-discovery. And then, what others do or don't do better or worse, will not affect you.
They will not be the comparison. You, will be your own measure and comparison.